It's been a week and it's finally sunk in!

I've never experienced any emotion like this before and I'm not liking it. As a parent you want to protect your kids from the dangers of the world. You pick them up when they fall and you kiss their injury and they are all better. In this situation there is no "fixing" the injury. This is so difficult and very hard to explain. I realize this is sounding like "woe is me" soap box I'm on but I pray that non of you have to experience this.
Last night i felt like I was in some sort of surreal life and that I would wake up from it and McCayla would be a normal healthy kid, however it's not a dream and that has finally sunk in for me. Or at least it's slowly sinking in. I have been extremely strong this week but even the strong have our moments. Driving to work this morning I was thinking on how my little baby girl was given the worst thing possible from the "sperm" donor. However on this same drive I also realize and thank the lord above that she doesn't have the worst thing possible. I'm lucky in the sense that it's only diabetes and not a brain tumor or lukemia or anything worse. Diabetes is not a fatal diaseses, but a managable one. However I was still fighting back tears because I can't take the pain away nor can I take it away from her. Last night while trying to get her to round up the courage to prick her finger so we could test her sugar level she said something that just pulled at my heart strings and I had to be strong for her. She said "I wish that I was back to being healthy and that I never had to do this again." To some that doesn't seem like much but when she is crying and screaming about it and she looks up at me into my eyes with those big blue georgous eyes and all you see is fear in them it's so difficult to push the button to release the needle down to prick her. I can only tell her how much that I wished I could take it away and have myself have to deal with it but I couldn't and that hurts the worst. When I arrived at work Jill and Dale both new that something was wrong. I just explained that it hit home this morning and that it was a real rough morning as far as getting her to take her test. I'm sure this in not making alot of sense to most of you all since I'm writing this in sections. I'm on a lull of emotions right now so I'm not cring my eyes out. So I best stop now and get back to work.